What is true and what is not
by Ella-Olivia
Summary: Brittany is different. Strange, most people say. But Santana loves her anyway. When things start to get out of control, can Santana save Brittany? Is their love strong enough?
1. The truth in perception

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

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What Is True And what Is Not

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_There is no truth. There is only perception. Gustave Flaubert_

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Brittany Pierce knows that she is different.

Not because she is taller than all the girls in her class or because she always forgets where her classroom is or because she never knows the right answer when her teacher asks her.

No, she is different because she sees _things_.

She sees things nobody else sees. Sometimes she can even touch and hear them. She doesn't understand why she is the only one who sees these things because for her they are as real as every tree and every house and every person the others can see as well.

It doesn't matter, though, that nobody believes her. Because for her these things are _real_.

Sometimes it makes her sad that she can't share the exciting and awesome miracles she sees all the time with anyone. Before she met Santana Lopez she used to feel lonely because she knew nobody would ever be able to really understand her. But then again, she thinks now, most people don't deserve to be a part of this parallel world anyway. When they already feel intimidated by a girl telling them about things they believe don't exist, then how would they react when they could see all of this for real?

When she was little she thought that everybody could see what she saw. She talked about it the way all kids talk about what fascinates them. Enthusiastically, she told her parents and the other kids about the unicorn that always steals the apples from the tree in her garden and the graceful fairies that dance in front of her window every morning and wake her up with their pretty sing-sang voices.

It took her some time to realize why people rolled their eyes whenever she said things like that.

She tried to show them what she meant, she tried to convince them that she hadn't invented these stories. It was in vain. When people don't want to believe something, then nothing can change their attitude.

The adults only said that she had a too vivid imagination. The kids laughed about her and called her a crazy freak. They still do today.

Therefore she learned quickly that it is better not to tell anybody about what she sees. When she was little she had done so one time too often and it had only resulted in her parents panicking and sending her to a psychiatrist for a while. She still remembers exactly their worried and sympathetic looks that made her feel like she had some terrible, deathly disease. That was when she understood that nobody was like her, and that being like her was not seen as something positive by most people.

It took her years to figure out how to distinguish between the things everybody sees and the things that are only visible for her. When she now concentrates a little while staring at something she can see a soft silvery glow around everything that belongs to _The Other Side_, as she calls it.

Brittany does her best to behave inconspicuously so nobody notices how different she really is. People's reactions to her have taught her that it is easier and less dangerous to fit in. Be what people want you to be and they will leave you alone.

But sometimes she doesn't even notice that she stares at something that for everyone else looks like just an empty corner. Sometimes she simply forgets and talks to her friend, the elf, as if he were a normal human being after he unexpectedly showed up at her locker in the McKinley high school. Sometimes she just can't listen to what the person next to her tells her because she is too distracted by the antics of a fairy flying in wild circles around her. Sometimes she accidentally lets slip a sentence without realizing that what she just said only makes sense in her own world.

That's why everybody thinks she is dumb, aloof and peculiar.

But she isn't.

* * *

"Britt! Are you asleep? Come on, wake up, it's time for lunch!"

At the sound of the familiar voice Brittany slowly lifts her head from where it had rested comfortably on her desk. Confused, she looks around with sleepy eyes, realizing that she must have fallen asleep during the monotonous lecture of her English teacher. Seemingly, class has just ended and all students storm out of the room, merging into one single blurred stream of colors in front of Brittany's hazy view. Santana is standing next to her, waiting patently for her to stand up and follow her.

Brittany yawns and mumbles: "I didn't sleep much last night, the elves invited me to their Dance into May."

Santana laughs. Affectionately, she grabs Brittany's hand and tucks at it. "You can sleep during Glee Club. But English is important, you missed the whole lesson.", she scolds Brittany lightly.

"Will you help me with my homework again today?", Brittany asks sweetly. Still too tired to get up, she wraps her arms around Santana's waist and buries her face in the Latina's stomach. Brittany wishes she could go back to sleep like that.

Santana smiles, completely smitten with the blonde like always. "Of course, Britt. Now come on." The dark-haired girl reluctantly breaks away from Brittany's embrace and begins to pack the blonde's bag for her.

When Brittany is finally ready to leave for lunch Santana grasps her hand tightly and leads the blonde to the break room, knowing that without a strong grip on her friend's hand Brittany would get hopelessly lost in the masses of students. When they arrive they quickly get their food and sit down next to the other Glee girls and Kurt. They are cheerfully greeted by everyone.

"Have you already decided on a song for this week's assignment?", Rachel asks excitedly. Without waiting for an answer from her friends she begins to tell them effusively about her own plans until Santana cuts her off harshly.

"Shut up, Berry, I'm getting a headache! Your voice sounds worse than a screeching teakettle!" Brittany grins dreamily at the sight of Santana huffing at Rachel. She knows the Latina well enough by now to detect the slightly curled lips that betray that she is not truly annoyed by Rachel's rambling. Strangely enough Santana has found a liking in the small diva, even though she would never admit that and still enjoys teasing and insulting her.

"You are almost like a banshee, Rachel. Only that your voice makes me sleepy instead of killing me.", Brittany remarks seriously. Rachel's frightened facial expression, caused by Santana's affronting words, melts away as she laughs about Brittany's words.

Surrounded by the familiar voices of her friends, Brittany rests her head on Santana's shoulder as her thoughts drift away. There is really only one person in the whole wide world that Brittany trusts completely and that's Santana, her best friend and much more. She isn't really sure of what nature their relationship is, but Santana says labels don't matter and as always Brittany thinks she is right. All that matters is that Santana is the only one who never looks at her as if she is crazy when she says something stupid, the only one whom Brittany can tell about all the magical things she sees and who actually enjoys listening to her, the only one who loves her the way she really is and not the person she has to pretend to be so often.

Brittany zones out fluently, her brain overwhelmed by the task of processing the double amount of sensory perceptions than all the others. There are exotic creatures dancing in the room, beautiful elves in dresses made of colorful leaves, with long dark hair and dazzling smiles, that form a grotesque contrast to the trivial everyday scene of high school kids eating lunch.

"Brittany... Brittany... hello? I've asked you something!" The impatient voice of Mercedes, who sits across from her, arouses Brittany from her daze.

"Leave her in peace, fat Oprah!", Santana snarls gruffly at Mercedes. The girl lifts her hands in an appeasing way.

"I want an eggplant for my birthday so that I can harvest the eggs it grows and eat omelets all the time.", Brittany deadpans, feeling that the best thing for her to do is to just say something strange, the way everybody is used to. As expected, the others shortly laugh at her quip before returning to their conversation.

Only Santana continues to watch her. She tenderly strokes Brittany's hair and whispers in her ear: "What do you see?"

Brittany giggles at Santana's breath tickling her skin. Her eyes are fixed on something a few feet away from their table. "There is a puck of the size of a cat. It has sandy brown fur, it looks soft..." Brittany slowly reaches out her hand towards the creature in order to touch it.

Santana furrows her brows and gently, but determinedly grabs Brittany's hand to stop her motion. "Not here, Britt!", she reminds her firmly.

Reluctantly, Brittany averts her gaze from the little puck and meets Santana's eyes. Brittany's breath hitches at the intensity of Santana's look. Many people wonder how it is possible that someone like Santana, who is so mean and dismissive most of the time, can be so patent and loving with someone like her. For Brittany this is not surprising at all because she knows that Santana is the best person in the whole world (in both worlds, actually). Santana is just so terrible to most people because she knows that most people don't deserve anything else.

Finally Santana looks away, breaking the spell that had the two girls staring at each other like mesmerized. "You should eat some more, Britt.", she says, taking care of Brittany like always as the blonde sometimes forgets mundane things like eating.

Brittany blinks and smiles dopily at Santana who averts her attention from her and chimes in loudly with her opinion on the matter the others are discussing.

* * *

The rest of the school day goes by in a blur and eventually Santana, Brittany and the other Glee kids sit in the choir room with Mr. Shue telling them some story as an introduction to what they would do today. When he is finally finished Rachel leaps out of her seat, squealing so irritatingly high-pitched that Santana rolls her eyes, and starts singing.

Brittany likes the song, so she stands up along with some other Glee kids and starts swaying and dancing to the music that soothingly fills her ears. Whenever Brittany dances everything around her seems to fade away until all thoughts have left her head and all she concentrates on are the fluid and elegant movements of her body. She loses herself in this world of sound and motion, all she perceives is the steady rhythm of the song guiding her. She closes her eyes and enjoys the feeling of her muscles stretching and pulling, her body and the music blending into one perfectly harmonious thing.

Then she feels two warm hands grabbing her own. She opens her eyes and sees Santana's stunningly beautiful face in front of her. Brittany breaks out into her trademark smile, a bright and carefree and childlike one that most people think is inappropriate for her age but that Santana tells her is the most gorgeous thing she has ever seen.

"You look like an elven princess.", Brittany says softly. Santana, who is always so serious and morose, beams at the compliment and spins them around in an untroubled circle.

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_For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it. Ivan Panin_

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**I hope you enjoyed reading! Please review!**


	2. The salvation in delusion

**Here is the next chapter! Thank you for the reviews/story alerts/favorites!**

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What Is True And What Is Not

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_We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, choose madness and even death. Leo F. Buscaglia_

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After school Santana drives Brittany home and promises her to come over later. Brittany enters the small house she lives in with her parents and her little sister and throws her bag next to the door. She hears voices coming from the kitchen, telling her that her mother and sister are busy preparing dinner.

They must have heard her coming in since her mother sticks her head through the kitchen door and greets her fondly: "Hey Britt, you are home! That's good, dinner's almost ready."

Her sister, Ashley, laughs happily at the sight of Brittany and bounces towards her. "I've helped with dinner! I'm a really good cook!", the ten-year-old declares proudly.

Brittany smilingly pats her silky blonde curls. "I'm sure you are, midget." Without missing a beat the little girl starts telling her big sister excitedly about what she did at school today. Brittany walks into the kitchen and starts laying the table while listening to Ashley's rambling.

"Mom, can Santana come over after dinner?", Brittany asks when Ashley finally pauses.

"Yes, but only until your father comes home.", Brittany's mother answers warningly. "You know he doesn't like having visitors after a long exhausting day of work." Brittany nods. She thinks that this is stupid since her and Santana are in her own room the whole time anyway and her father doesn't have to see her at all, but she learned a long time ago that it's better not to question her father's will.

Eventually, the three sit down at the kitchen table to eat. Ashley immediately picks up where she left off and fills their small kitchen with her high, happy voice. Every now and then her mother comments on or laughs rapturously about her daughter's stories, but Brittany stays silent. She picks listlessly at her food, not really hungry, and stares out of the window. It's raining; heavy drops of water fall down from the grey, stormy sky and clatter against the glass like a boisterous drum. Some fairies with pretty dragonfly wings buzz in front of the window, their bell-like voices resounding louder and louder in Brittany's ears until they drown out her sister's voice. They invite her to come out and dance with them in the rain...

"Brittany! What are you looking at? There is nothing!", her mother calls out suspiciously.

"Sorry Mom, I know. I was just... thinking.", Brittany hurries to say.

Ashley's eyes light up. "Can you tell me a new story about the magical world?", she asks eagerly. The little girl admires Brittany the way every little sister adores her big sister even though Brittany is not like most big sisters.

Their mother tenses when Brittany's, in her opinion, imaginary world is brought up and clears her throat awkwardly. "Ashley, sweetie, I don't think it's time for a story. Eat your food." Ashley huffs with disappointment but obeys. Her mother darts an admonishing look at Brittany as if wanting to say: _I may not be able to keep you from being crazy, but at least don't infect her. _

Brittany casts down her eyes and says quietly: "It's okay, Ash, I'll tell you a story before you go to bed."

The rest of the dinner proceeds in unpleasant silence. Eventually, Brittany mumbles: "I'm gonna do homework now." She doesn't look at either of them when she stands up to put her dishes away. She wants nothing more than to escape the strained atmosphere and her mother's scrutinizing look, so she quickly leaves the kitchen and flees up the stairs to her own room.

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Santana arrives at Brittany's place ten minutes after Brittany went up to her room and called her friend. When she hears the door bell ring Brittany races down the stairs and opens the door.

"You are soaked.", Brittany comments, grinning, when she sees Santana standing on her front porch with completely drenched hair and clothes.

"Yeah, well, it's raining.", Santana laughs, dark eyes twinkling, and comes in.

Brittany can't stop herself from engulfing Santana in a sudden tight hug, seeking comfort in the other girl's strong arms. She can feel Santana's body warmth seep into her through the cold dripping clothes; it flows through her, calming her and chasing away some of her bone crushing weariness. "I'm glad you are here.", Brittany whispers into the other girl's ear and breathes in the familiar scent that is Santana.

"Great, now you are wet as well!", Santana complains sullenly but nonetheless she wraps her arms around Brittany and squeezes her. When they break apart Santana looks at Brittany intensely and asks worriedly: "Are you okay? You have been a little more absent than usual the last few days."

Brittany nods quickly. "Yeah, yeah, everything's okay... just tired. Let's go up to my room." Brittany knows she can trust Santana, she simply doesn't want to worry her best friend with something that may just as well be nothing. Still, she is a little on edge as she has the impression that the things she sees (well, also hears and feels) have gotten more acute and distracting lately.

Santana politely says hello to Brittany's mother and sister before the two disappear in Brittany's room. Brittany gets a towel from her small bathroom and gently dries Santana's long dark hair after the other girl has discarded her wet coat on Brittany's sofa. Brittany feels safe and happy now that Santana is with her.

"You wanna do homework? I'll help you with English.", Santana suggests when Brittany is finished.

"No... I don't feel like it. We don't have English tomorrow anyway.", Brittany answers with a glance at the timetable that hangs over her desk. She has a really hard time concentrating lately and doesn't want Santana to become suspicious. The Latina already does enough for her by always looking out for her at school. "We could do something else, though..." Brittany smiles brightly at Santana and approaches her.

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Santana and Brittany lie comfortably in Brittany's bed, surrounded by lots of fluffy pillows and stuffed animals. Brittany is snuggled up to Santana with her head on the Latina's shoulder while Santana is holding Brittany's left hand in hers and painting her fingernails in a deep crimson. Enamored, Brittany watches how Santana slightly bites her lower lip in concentration.

"What?", Santana asks throatily, sensing Brittany's eyes on her. The blonde reaches up to softly trace Santana's tanned features with her fingers. Santana makes a small noise of contentment and leans into Brittany's touch.

"I just don't understand with what I deserve someone like you.", Brittany whispers.

Before Santana can answer, they are interrupted by the front door of the Pierce's house is slamming shut with a loud bang. Brittany winces. "My father!", she exclaims anxiously. "Santana, you have to leave, right now!" Hastily she moves away from Santana so that the other girl can get up. But Santana holds on to Brittany's hand and firmly pulls the blonde back into her.

"Britt, you don't need to worry.", Santana tells her soothingly. "We are safe up here. We don't bother him, if we are quiet he won't even notice I'm here."

Brittany relaxes back into Santana. "Okay. I really don't want you to leave."

Santana presses a loving kiss to Brittany's temple. "I don't want to leave, either. Now let me finish your fingernails."

They continue to simply enjoy each other's company in pleasant silence.

All at once the door of Brittany's room bursts open and her father storms in. He is a tall man, Brittany must have inherited that trait from him, and he looks outright frightening when he is angry. And right now he is foaming with rage.

"You!", he shouts furiously at Santana. "Leave! Now! I can't stand people who disturb my well-deserved home time!"

Brittany begins to tremble at the sound of her father's irate voice. "Dad!" She bravely meets his gaze and begs desperately: "You know Santana, she is here all the time. Can't she stay? We will be really quiet..."

"No!", her father roars. "She will leave, now!"

Brittany sighs sadly and slumps down. She gently nudges Santana, who sits stone still next to her on the bed, to signal her that it's better for her to leave now. Santana's facial expression is strained; Brittany can see at her grim features that she is trying hard to suppress her anger. Her face softens when she looks at Brittany, worry evident in her gaze, to check if the blonde is okay. Brittany smiles weakly at the Latina to convince her that she is able to deal with her father on her own.

Finally, Santana gets up reluctantly and leaves the room, darting one last glance at Brittany. A few seconds later Brittany hears the front door falling shut behind Santana. Anguish takes her breath away at the thought of being alone with her father.

Her father surveys his older daughter, his eyes narrowed to slits. "I've heard you got an F in your math test. Again. I guess it's already an achievement that you got some points at all..." His voice drips with contempt and disappointment. "Look at your sister, she's only ten years old and she has nothing but A's in all her classes!"

Brittany stares intently at her feet while mumbling dejectedly: "I'm sorry, Dad." She feels small and worthless under his reproachful gaze.

Her father snorts. "Instead of apologizing you should make a greater effort!" Then he stomps out of the room, leaving Brittany behind.

* * *

This evening Brittany has trouble falling asleep. Although there are other people in this house she feels hopelessly alone. Even her friends of the other world seem to have abandoned her. She wishes more than anything else that Santana would be here to hold her in her arms and console her.

Brittany tosses and turns in her bed until she can't bear it anymore. She remembers exactly the time when her parents always locked her in her room and blocked up her window at night because she would walk in her sleep and disappear in the middle of the night. She couldn't tell her parents that she didn't really sleepwalk but that she just spent some time with her friends, the elves and fairies and pucks. Luckily she could convince her parents that she had stopped sleepwalking when she got older, but she will never forget this horrible feeling of being cooped up like a dog in a kennel.

She has exactly the same feeling right now. But this time she isn't locked up, Brittany reminds herself, she can break free. So she gets up and quickly puts on her house shoes. She opens her window and slips through it, deftly climbing down the exterior wall of the house along the rain gutter. It still rains. She lifts her face towards the sky and enjoys the cool drops of water on her heated skin. She only wears a tank top and sweat pants, and the bleak wind gives her goosebumps, but Brittany doesn't care. The sensations make her feel alive and unbound.

"Where are you all?", Brittany shouts into the darkness that engulfs her, her voice fading away in the wet night air.

Nobody answers her. There is no sign of the magical creatures that normally populate the night and keep her company whenever she feels lonely.

Brittany leaves the Pierce's small garden and walks onto the deserted street that is sparsely illuminated by a few dim street lights. The wet pavement sparkles vividly in the silvery moonlight.

Suddenly she spots a shape in the distance, maybe a hundred feet away.

Brittany smiles, relieved, and swiftly approaches it. But as soon as she moves the shape begins to walk as well until it disappears behind a corner. Brittany starts running. When she turns around the corner she can see the shape again, now a little nearer. It waves at her. Brittany tries catch up with it but it's faster than her and escapes again. Brittany follows it persistently down lonely streets and around more corners. Then it is gone. Brittany hurries along the dark roads but as hard as she looks she can't find the shape again.

She is alone. Completely godforsaken.

Hectically she turns around but she doesn't recognize the area anymore. She has no idea where she is and it is pitch-black around her. A desperate sob shakes Brittany's exhausted body.

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_Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside of us, and sometimes they win. Stephen King_

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**Thank you for reading!**


	3. The madness in love

What Is True And What Is Not

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___When love is not madness, it is not love. Pedro Calderon de la Barca_

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The next morning Santana stops her car at Brittany's place to pick her best friend up for school, like she does every morning. But this morning there is no Brittany waiting on the front porch for Santana to come and get her. Santana knits her brows in confusion. Quickly, she gets out of her car and walks up to the front door.

As soon as she rings the bell the door is ripped open. "Santana!", Brittany's mother shouts tensely.

"Good morning, Mrs. Pierce. I just came to pick Brittany up for school. Is she almost ready?", Santana asks nicely.

"She... she... is missing... just vanished... we can't find her...", Mrs. Pierce answers, flustered. "Have you seen her?" The woman grips Santana's shoulders ungently. "She always goes to you when she is upset! Surely you know where she is!" Her voice is shrill and frantic.

Santana blinks, confused. "Brittany is missing? I have no idea where she is!" Worry and fear for the blonde seize her violently. She shouldn't have left Brittany alone yesterday after the incident with her father, she thinks guiltily.

Mrs. Pierce looks at Santana but her eyes are absent, her thoughts miles away. "She went to bed early yesterday, and this morning she was gone... the only trace was the open window in her room..." She turns away from Santana towards her husband, her eyes regaining focus. "This is all your fault, John!", she screams at him, tears streaming down her face. "You were too hard on her yesterday! It's your fault she ran away! What if some crazy rapist kidnapped her..."

The normally choleric Mr. Pierce is surprisingly calm and endures his wife's rant patiently. Then he looks at Santana, his eyes silently pleading her to help them find her. There is regret in his look and the understanding that the girl in front if him knows his daughter better than him, her own father.

Santana frowns. She feels anger at the Pierce's rise inside of her. They never really seem to care about Britt, and suddenly they want to start? But she forces herself to stay calm. "It really doesn't matter whose fault it is right now. We have to find her! You both know she likes to go for walks in the night sometimes. Surely she got lost somewhere in the city and now waits for us to find her. We have to search Lima for her! Have you already called the police?" Mrs. Pierce returns her attention to Santana and nods teary-eyed. "Okay, then I'll drive around in the neighborhood and look for her. Call me when you find her!"

Without waiting for an answer Santana runs down the garden path of the Pierce's small property and jumps into her car. Hastily she starts the engine.

* * *

Brittany sits on a bench somewhere in Lima. She is soaked to the skin and trembles violently because of the cold. Her chin rests on her knees which are drawn tightly to her chest to prevent the last rest of warmth from leaving her body. She doesn't know anymore whether the wetness on her cheeks are raindrops or tears. She has never felt so empty and forlorn in her whole life. Day is dawning, people and cars pass her busily, and sometimes someone looks at her strangely but mostly everyone ignores her. Brittany doesn't notice anything around her anyway; she just stares numbly into space.

After a while a car stops a few feet away from her bench. Someone gets out and rushes towards her. Black hair flies in the wind, beautiful chocolate brown orbs settle on her.

Slowly Brittany's eyes focus on the person. "Santana?", she croaks out wearily.

"Oh my god, Brittany!", Santana exclaims, infinitely relieved to have found her. "How long do you already sit here?" She grabs Brittany's shoulders and shakes the blonde ruggedly, suddenly beside herself with anger. "Are you completely out of your mind? You can't just run away like that! I was worried sick!"

Big, baby blue eyes stare at her pathetically and immediately Santana's fury wanes like smoke in the wind. She crouches down next to Brittany and gently brushes a dripping strand of golden blonde hair out of her face. "It's okay, Britt, I found you. Everything's gonna be okay now."

Brittany closes her eyes, feeling a sense of peace and contentment flood through her at Santana's loving touch and the familiar sound of her voice.

"We have to get you out of the cold or you'll catch your death.", Santana murmurs. "Come on, Britt, let's get you into the car. It's cozily warm in there. Can you stand up, sweetie? Please, move a little for me..." Brittany tries to do what Santana tells her but her body doesn't react on the orders of her brain. She is like paralyzed. She contorts her face in agony and instantly Santana rubs her back soothingly. "It's okay, it's okay. I'll help you..." Carefully she pulls Brittany into a standing position and with an arm wrapped securely around the blonde's waist she leads her slowly to the car.

Santana opens the door to the passenger seat for Brittany, makes her sit down and fastens the seat belt around her. Then she gets in on the other side. The whole drive back to the Pierce's house Brittany stays silent and stares out of the window at things only she can see. Santana darts glances at her every minute but decides to give the blonde some time.

* * *

When they arrive at Brittany's place Santana helps Brittany with getting out of the car and together they walk up to the front door. Before Santana can ring the door is ripped open violently and Mrs. Pierce appears. "Brittany! My sweet girl, you are okay! Oh, Brittany!", her mother squeals hysterically at the sight of her daughter.

Mrs. Pierce moves to hug her daughter but as soon as she touches Brittany the girl pushes her mother fiercely away. "No, no!", she yells, not being able to bear closeness to this woman who has never really appreciated her the way a mother should. Full of trust, she presses herself against Santana. Mrs. Pierce freezes, startled by her daughter's reaction, and stares incredulously at her.

Immediately, Santana steps protectively in front of Brittany and says calmly, but with emphasis: "Please Mrs. Pierce, let me take care of your daughter. I'll make sure she is okay."

Mrs. Pierce is too surprised and confused to contradict and mutely watches Santana gently guiding Brittany up the stairs. "Thank you.", Brittany whispers breathlessly.

Santana nods, squeezing Brittany's hand. "It's okay, Britt." She gingerly shoves Brittany into the small bathroom next to Brittany's room. There she begins to take off Brittany's soaked, cold clothes. Brittany endures the procedure without objecting, standing there completely motionless unless Santana lifts her arms or her feet so she can strip of a piece of clothing. Brittany shivers whenever Santana's fingertips softly graze her bare skin. Her blank eyes are fixed on Santana's face the whole time. Once Brittany is completely naked Santana turns on the shower and Brittany stiffly climbs under the stream of hot water. Slowly, it dispels the cold out of her limbs.

After several minutes of showering in silence Brittany asks: "Santana?"

"Yes, Brittany, I'm here.", the Latina instantly answers from behind the shower curtain.

Brittany sighs with relief. Then she takes a deep, shaky breath. "Santana, do you think I'm crazy?" Her voice is hoarse from the long night in the cold.

Santana hesitates. Finally she responds full of conviction: "No, I don't. I think you are special."

* * *

Once Brittany has finished showering Santana gently rubs her dry with a soft, fuzzy towel and helps her into some comfy clothes that the dark-haired girl has found in Brittany's closet. Then she guides Brittany to her bed and neatly tucks her in. Brittany's eyes flutter shut as the warmth of the blankets encasing her makes her sore muscles slacken off and the tiredness finally hits her with full force.

Brittany hears Santana quietly shuffling away. Frantically, she reaches out her hand and only just catches hold of the tail of Santana's shirt. Brittany opens her eyes just as Santana turns around. Sea blue eyes meet coffee brown ones. "Can you lie with me?", Brittany asks shyly.

Santana's face that has been tight with worry since she heard of Brittany's disapearance swiftly loses its edges and melts into a disarming smile. "Of course, Britt. Anything for you." She crawls under the covers to lie down next to Brittany and spoons her from behind, wrapping her arms firmly around the other girl's middle. At long last feeling safe, Brittany sighs contentedly and snuggles deeper into Santana's hold. Blissful sleep captures her in its clutch. Santana presses an affectionate kiss to tousled blonde hair before closing her own eyes.

Brittany sleeps smoothly and dreamlessly for the rest of the day. When she wakes up the sky is already darkening and the room is enveloped in a mysterious twilight. Suddenly she becomes aware of the fact that something is missing. Santana. Panicking, she hectically looks around the room. She breathes a deep sigh of relief as soon as she discovers Santana sitting on her sofa, reading some magazine.

Santana must have heard Brittany stirring because she looks up and a soft smile appears on her face at the sight of an awake Brittany. "Hey, Britt. How do you feel?", she asks quietly.

"Good, I think...", Brittany answers insecurely. Santana sits down at Brittany's bedside and squeezes her hand.

"Look, Britt, your Mom made us hot chocolate.", Santana says and holds a cup with cocoa out to Brittany, another one for herself in her other hand. Brittany sits up and grabs the cup with both hands, enjoying its warmth. She pictures her mother standing in the kitchen, making her cocoa the way she used to when she was little. Quickly, she pushes the thought of her parents away again. It is too painful.

"What happened last night, Brittany? Why did you run away?", Santana wants to know, concerned and still a little angry at the blonde for her recklessness.

Brittany avoids Santana's gaze. "I couldn't sleep and needed some fresh air... so climbed out of the window. I saw a strange shape on the street and followed it. But then it disappeared and I didn't know where I was anymore..." Her voice quivers at the memory.

Santana huffs exasperatedly. "But why did you follow the shape? How can you be so thoughtless? I don't like to think what could have happened..."

Tears fill Brittany's eyes at the sound of Santana's fierce voice. She feels overwhelmed. "I... I don't know... I'm sorry..."

The moment that Santana notices Brittany's despair any sign of anger leaves her face. "No, I'm sorry, Britt.", she hurries to say soothingly. "It's okay, it's not your fault. Please, don't cry." Gently, Santana brushes the sad girl's tears away with her thumps.

When Brittany has calmed down Santana asks carefully: "Was this shape you followed someone real... or someone of your own world?"

Brittany shrugs. "I really don't know, San."

"I hate to say that but this thing, what you see, it gets out of control.", Santana states while observing Brittany closely to gauge her reaction. "Maybe we should ask someone for help. Someone else than your parents. You know... a doctor."

Brittany stares at Santana wide-eyed. "No! You can't do that, please, Santana! They will hurt me!"

Santana sighs desperately. "Britt, I would never allow anyone to hurt you." Then she adds forcefully: "Do you trust me?"

"Yes, Santana, of course I trust you. More than anyone else.", Brittany whispers quietly.

"Then you know I would never do anything to you that you don't want to. And you also know that I will do everything in my power to shelter you from harm.", Santana explains firmly. "But what am I supposed to do when those two collide? What is more important? You know my answer."

"Santana.", Brittany says decidedly. "I may seem so sometimes, but I'm not stupid. I am aware that something is wrong with me."

Santana shakes her head furiously. "Don't you even dare to think that. You are perfect."

"No, Santana, I'm not.", Brittany declares valiantly. "But that's okay. I can accept that. And you know why? Because I have you. I don't need help from some doctor, I don't care about all those people looking at me like I'm crazy. I only care about you. All I need is you."

"I know, Britt. And you will always have me." Santana's voice cracks. "Because I need you, too." Brittany nods, assured. She knows she can rely on Santana, that Santana will always be there for her. Brittany lies back down in her bed and, sensing Santana's protecting presence next to her, tiredly closes her eyes.

Brittany feels Santana's lips ghost over her cheek. "It's okay, Britt, go back to sleep. I will be here when you wake up."

* * *

_Some say that true love is a mirage; seek it anyway, for all else is surely desert. Robert Brault_

* * *

**Next chapter will be up soon! **


	4. The strength in torment

**I'm sorry I took so long to update, as an apology this chapter is especially long!**

* * *

What Is True And What Is Not

* * *

_Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense. Mark Overby_

* * *

Brittany stays at home for two days after Santana has found her, luckily having caught nothing but a nasty cold. But even when she returns to school she isn't the same again. She is constantly hazy, even more unable to concentrate than usual, lost in her own world. Santana just drags her through the school, from room to room and from lesson to lesson, without her really being there.

At first Santana doesn't think much of it as it is perfectly normal for Britt to be absent-minded. When, however, Brittany's clear moments become rarer and rarer Santana realizes anxiously that her best friend completely closes off to the real world, even to her. For days the two haven't had one proper conversation, all that leaves Brittany's mouth is incoherent mumbling about fantastical creatures. Although Santana has always loved hearing Brittany's stories she now can't enjoy them anymore as the blue eyes she looks into meanwhile are no longer dreamy and sparkling but have turned worryingly dull and lightless.

Santana feels like Brittany and her become strangers again. She suddenly understands how Brittany's parents and the other kids have to feel around her: confused, helpless, unable to grasp and handle the girl's otherness. Santana is scared. While formerly a simple touch, a gentle word, a soft look of Santana was enough to make Brittany focus solely on her as if she were the center of the blonde's world, it is now almost impossible to lure Brittany out of her daze. Sometimes Brittany smiles faintly at her for a second and Santana recognizes that somewhere deep within this isolated girl there is still the old Brittany, _her _Brittany. Santana would do everything to get her back. She just doesn't know how.

* * *

After school Santana and Brittany get into the Latina's small car and head to Brittany's home. Santana can sense Brittany's growing anxiety; the girl bites her bottom lip more and more violently the nearer they get to her family's house. Santana's eyes widen when a fine line of blood trickles down Brittany's chin from the injured lip. Santana has noticed that Brittany avoids her parents as much as possible lately, seemingly scared of confrontations with them. But the blonde never says anything.

Finally Santana sighs. "Britt, do you want to come with me to my place?"

Brittany looks at her hands in her lap, fidgeting nervously. After a few seconds she nods hesitantly.

So Santana turns the car around. When they arrive at the Lopez house she parks her car in the driveway. Before Brittany can move to get out of the car Santana firmly grabs her chin. She lifts the blonde's face to look at her intently and with gentle fingers brushes away the red liquid on her pale skin. The blue-eyed girl doesn't fight Santana's hand, Santana even feels her slightly leaning into the touch. However, Brittany still refuses to meet Santana's eyes; she just stares airily at something above the Latina's right shoulder.

"Brittany, stop this! Now!", Santana exclaims furiously. It drives her crazy, this feeling of being a thousand miles away from Britt. Brittany winces as Santana grips her chin a little rougher in her anger, but Santana is too desperate to calm down. Her voice stays hard. "Stop shutting me out, Britt! You know you can trust me!"

Brittany turns away.

"Brittany!", Santana yells, tears welling up in her eyes.

Brittany stares out of the front window. Then she slowly reaches out and squeezes Santana's hand. "I'm sorry, Santana.", she whispers. "It's like I'm on drugs, I'm so far away..."

* * *

Santana forces her tears back, trying to keep her composure. She fishes her keys out of her bag and quickly leads Brittany into the Lopez residence, a noble and sumptuous house that reflects the Lopez's wealth in a terribly boastful way. Santana's parents are on some business trip and her grandmother, who lives with her son's family and takes care of her two grandchildren whenever their parents aren't at home (which is the majority of her life, Santana thinks bitterly), is away for today, meeting her sister. Santana would never have brought Brittany home with her if her Abuela were home; since the old woman found out that Santana is a lesbian their relationship has been, to put it mildly, tense.

Santana's parents both are hopeless workaholics who try to compensate their lacking ability of devoting love to their children by granting them a life in luxury. But it has always been her grandmother who read Santana and her older brother bedtime stories, who attended all of Santana's cheerleading performances and her brother's football games, who comforted them when they scraped their knees and scolded them when they did something stupid. It pains Santana that someone who plays such an important role in her life can't accept her the way she is.

Santana drags Brittany up the stairs to her room. Her nineteen-year-old brother, Gabriel, steps out of his room and onto the corridor, smiling friendly. "Hey little sis. Oh, and hi Britt!"

Brittany either doesn't hear him through her haze or ignores him, anyways, she doesn't react in any way. She stops when Santana does, staring dully at the ground.

Gabriel frowns, confused, and nods towards the blonde, asking: "Is she okay, Santana?"

"Yeah, great!", Santana snarls. "Mind your own business, Gabe!"

"Calm down, sweet sister.", he says mockingly. "You girls have fun getting on your sweet lady kisses, but be careful Abuela doesn't catch you!" The tall, dark-haired boy grins amusedly when his little sister blushes crimson. "Anyway, I'm gonna leave now for football practice. You two are good on your own, right?"

"Of course. See you later, Gabe.", Santana says curtly before shoving Brittany into her own room.

* * *

After they have done their homework, or rather after Santana has done their homework while trying to get Brittany to concentrate, Santana gives up and decides to take Brittany to the pond in the park near the Lopez house. Brittany has always loved going there to feed the ducks. This time, however, Brittany just nods passively when Santana announces her plan. Santana sighs.

Brittany and Santana enter the kitchen to grab some old bread for the ducks. When Santana sees who sits at the kitchen table, she stops dead in her tracks. "Abuela!", she exclaims, startled. Her grandmother is supposed to be gone until late that evening!

The old woman lifts her eyes from the newspaper she is reading. At the sight of her granddaughter and her friend, her face tightens and she stands up. "How can you dare to bring this girl here?", she asks, cold anger in her voice. "You can count yourself lucky you are still welcome in my house! I thought I expressed myself clearly when I said I expect you to stop this sinful behavior immediately!"

"It's not your house, okay?", Santana shouts defiantly. "It's my parents' house and I can bring whomever I want!"

"How can I have failed at your upbringing so profoundly?" Alma Lopez suddenly sounds tired. "I just went to church and prayed for you, Santana. But God doesn't seem to hear me."

Santana looks at her grandmother, her eyes pleading and desperate. "Maybe he heard you, Abuela. Maybe he even answers. Maybe you just don't want to listen."

Alma Lopez's eyes become soft for a second. Then she shakes her head furiously. "No, Santana. What you do, what you are, it's a _disgrace._"

Santana's eyes begin to blaze with fury. She turns around abruptly and fiercely grabs Brittany's hand. "Come on, Brittany, we leave. Let's go feed the ducks."

Santana drags the other girl along behind her so ferociously that Brittany almost stumbles. "Yeah! And the mermaids!", Brittany giggles happily. "Goodbye, Mrs. Lopez!"

Santana isn't sure whether Brittany really is unaware of the severity of the situation or if she exasperates her grandmother intentionally. But one thing she knows for sure: If the looks of her Abuela could kill Brittany would be stone-dead.

* * *

They sit down on a bench next to the pond. Brittany shivers at the cool wind and scoots closer to Santana, cuddling into her side. Santana smiles despite the sorrowful thoughts of her grandmother's words on her mind and wraps her arm tightly around the blonde's shoulders. She looks at Brittany whose eyes are fixed on her.

"I'm sorry, San. But you are so strong, you don't need your Abuela's approval.", Brittany says full of conviction and trust. "You have always been the strong one of us." Santana feels relief and gratitude flooding through her. Her sweet, caring Brittany hasn't disappeared completely.

Santana shakes her head sadly. "No, that's not true. Everybody thinks I am because I'm always so mean to everyone." She squeezes Brittany's shoulders affectionately. "But to be as kind-hearted and innocent and loving as you are, that's real strength."

Brittany smiles a little. "Maybe we can be strong for each other, Santana. Maybe together we are strong enough to survive."

"I'm so glad I have you.", Santana whispers. Her heart beats faster when she leans in and connects her lips with Brittany's in a tender kiss.

* * *

Brittany is dancing. A few days have gone by without anything happening and right now Brittany is in the dance hall of her dance school. Official practice is over but her teacher has allowed her to stay for some more time until he leaves and locks up the school.

Brittany spins and jumps and turns and stretches, the music constantly filling her ears. The movements are natural to her, she immerses herself completely in them. Her whole body is covered in sweat, her clothes stick to her skin, but she doesn't mind. She hopes this state of blissful oblivion will never end.

Brittany hates that she feels so unfocused and dazed most of the time lately. But she can't fight it. Only when she dances she feels like herself again.

All at once, however, the dance hall around her begins to change and transform in front of her eyes. Brittany's eyes widen as plants grow out of the ground and the walls of the hall crumble when gnarly roots and branches of big, mighty trees break through them. Within a minute the whole ground is covered in dark green ivy, vines hang down from the ceiling, oaks and maples fill the hall. Vague shadows lurk between the trees and begin to circle Brittany menacingly.

The dance room has morphed into a savage jungle.

Brittany screams.

Her legs fail and she falls bonelessly to the ground. Fear and confusion take away her breath, she feels as if she would suffocate any moment. Her stomach churns violently and she vomits.

Faintly, she hears her dance teacher call her name but it is not enough to pull her from her daze. She stares at the jungle around her like hypnotized, unable to move or to think clearly.

A moment later her dance teacher, Cole, clutches her shoulders and tries to shake her back into consciousness. "Brittany, what's up with you? Please, say something! Are you okay?"

She lies weakly in his arms. "There is a jungle in the dance hall...", she manages to say, entirely frightened. "Don't you see the jungle...?"

Cole shakes his head in panic. "There is nothing in this room but the two of us, Brittany. What are you talking about?"

Brittany whimpers helplessly. Fuzzily, she mutters under her breath: "It shouldn't be like this... it has never been like this before..."

* * *

Brittany can't remember anything that happened thereafter, she must have lost consciousness. When she wakes up she lies in an uncomfortable bed in a sterilely white room. The door opens and a man with a white coat comes in. Brittany is so scared at the sight of him that she can't breathe.

"You've woken up, that's very good.", the man says friendly, but his detached tone makes obvious that it is just a set phrase that he says a hundred times a day. "My name is Dr. Peter Beckett. You don't need to be scared, girl."

Brittany gulps. "Where am I?"

"You are in the Lima Hospital. Your dance teacher called the ambulance after you broke down during your dance lesson.", Dr. Beckett explains while scanning through the file in his hands.

"Santana.", Brittany croaks out. "I want Santana..."

"I don't know who that is, but your parents are here. I will go get them." Before Brittany can stop the man he leaves the room. Brittany feels for her mobile phone where it usually is in her pocket but it is gone, along with her clothes. She just wears a thin hospital gown. Her eyes land on her bedside table. Her mobile phone lies on it. Hastily she grabs it and dials the number that is so familiar to her that she could dial it in her sleep.

"Santana?", Brittany whispers when the dark-haired girl picks up on the other end of the line.

"Brittany? Britt, are you okay?", Santana wants to know, instantly concerned at the sound of Brittany's nervous voice.

"Yes... no... I don't know... I'm in the hospital.", Brittany tries to explain but she has trouble forming sensible sentences.

At the last few words Santana freaks out. "Oh my god, Brittany, what happened? I'm on my way to you!"

Quickly, Brittany calms her: "Don't worry, Santana, I'm not hurt." Through a window in her room she can look onto the hospital corridor and sees her parents approaching. She adds hastily: "I'll tell you everything when you are here, okay, San? I have to go." With that she hangs up, hoping Santana would hurry.

Her mother enters the room and storms towards her, crying: "Oh, Brittany! You are okay!" Brittany avoids her look and stares at her hands.

"Brittany.", her father says firmly. He grabs his wife's arm and pulls her away from Brittany. "We made a decision." Her mother bursts into tears and turns her head away. Her father looks steadfastly at Brittany. Suddenly she is as scared as never before. "We are really worried about you and think it's the best for you if we commit you to a mental institution."

Brittany lifts her gaze, panic-stricken. "You can't do that!", she wails. "I'm your daughter! You can't just lock me up!"

"We are so sorry, Britt.", her mother sobs. "It may not seem like it to you right now, but we only want the best for you!"

In that moment Santana dashes into the room. A spark of hope ignites inside of Brittany and she longingly extends her arms towards Santana. The Latina immediately takes Brittany into her arms. "It's okay, I'm here, Britt.", she murmurs into Brittany's ear.

After a few seconds of body contact between the girls Mr. Pierce yanks Santana away from his daughter. "Say goodbye, Brittany. She has to leave now."

"No!", Brittany begs sorrowfully. "Please Santana, they want to lock me up in a cell, save me..."

Her father, however, rudely shoves Santana out of the room. The dark-haired girl struggles tooth and nail against him but he is too strong. Tears silently run down Brittany's cheeks as two nurses retain her. Helplessly, she has to watch Santana being dragged away.

"No, Mr. Pierce, you can't take her away from me!", Santana hollers in exasperation. Her voice resounds loudly in the hallway. "I'm going to go all Lima Heights on you! I'm Santana _fucking_ Lopez and I won't allow _anybody_ to hurt my girlfriend!"

But all their resistance is vain.

* * *

_The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, _  
_But I have promises to keep, _  
_And miles to go before I sleep._

_Robert Frost_


	5. The pain in healing

What Is True And What Is Not

* * *

_Everybody's a mad scientist and life is their lab. We're all trying to experiment to find a way to live, to solve problems, to fend off chaos. David Cronenberg_

* * *

Santana shuffles through the McKinley Highschool, her eyes fixed on the ground and her shoulders slumped. She is totally exhausted as she can't sleep properly anymore since Brittany has been committed.

"Hey Lopez, what's up?", Noah Puckerman shouts to her cheerfully and nudges her shoulder amicably.

"Fuck off, Puckerman!", Santana snaps at him bitterly. "If your ugly visage is precious to you I would advise you to leave me alone or I smash it for you!"

"Okay, okay!", Puck says placatingly and backs off. "But you really need to stop being so moody. It slowly loses its appeal!" He winks at her suggestively, then he disappears around a corner.

At that moment Quinn walks up to Santana and lays her hand on her arm to calm her down. "Hey, don't vent your frustration on the poor boy. It's not his fault you feel so miserable."

"Shut up, Fabray. It's none of your fucking business on whom I vent my frustration!", Santana snarls fiercely.

"Oh, you are wrong, Santana. It is my business because you are my friend.", the blonde reminds Santana sharply. "For one week you have been running around looking like a ghost, hardly speaking to anyone. I know you miss Brittany but she wouldn't want you to end up like this."

"Don't speak about her as if she is dead! She is not dead!", Santana roars furiously.

"I know, Santana.", Quinn answers calmly, completely unimpressed by Santana's temper. "And Brittany and I may not be as close as you two are but nonetheless she is my friend as well. I worry about her, too!"

Suddenly all strength seems to drain out of Santana and she supports herself against the wall of the corridor with one hand as if fearing that she might fall down otherwise. All her venom fades away and leaves behind a suffering, vulnerable teenage girl. "I know.", she mumbles feebly.

"Would you finally tell me what is up with Brittany?", Quinn asks gently, but insistently.

Santana nods. "I don't really know much, I don't even know how she is right now because they forbid me to visit her in the mental hospital. The doctors only say that she has been diagnosed with severe chronic hallucinatory psychosis and that she needs distance to her old life so that she can overcome her mental illness."

Quinn puts her arm around Santana, silently offering comfort. The always so tough Latina tries hard to keep the tears from falling while speaking. "You know, I never thought of the possibility that Brittany could be mentally ill. I always thought of her as different, special, and that as long as I looked out for her she would be okay. I never imagined that her visions could harm her. But they did, twice... and I didn't protect her. I couldn't. It makes me feel so powerless... I failed her."

"It's not your fault, Santana.", Quinn tried to soothe her friend. "Nobody could have known. Nobody can expect you to recognize something like that. Brittany certainly didn't."

Santana sighs heavily. "I just want her back so badly. I'm so lonely without her."

"What about me? You still have me!", Quinn jokes, pretending to be offended.

Santana gives her a small smile, but it doesn't reach ber brown eyes. Quinn sighs, she knows exactly that nothing can lighten Santana's mood right now, only the one thing she can't have: Brittany. The two stay silent for a few seconds. Then Santana says doubtfully: "I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that she's in that hospital. She has to be so scared and alone..."

"Maybe they can really help her there.", Quinn suggests, hope swinging in her voice.

"Yeah, maybe.", Santana answers tonelessly. "But it's also possible that they hurt her even more. They don't know her the way I do. Nobody does. She needs me to protect her..."

Quinn ponders for a moment before stating firmly: "Santana, I don't think this is about something you can help her with. You said yourself, you failed at that before. I think this time Brittany has to help herself. This time she can't rely on you, no, she needs to find the strength to heal by herself. Only if she manages that she can return to you as a whole human being."

* * *

They lock her up in an empty, bleak room with white walls that has no furniture in it apart from a small, hard bed. Several doctors visit her, examine her closely and tell her things, but she doesn't listen to them. They try to get her to talk, to open up to them but Brittany vehemently refuses to speak. She also refuses to move, she only lies motionlessly on her bed, enduring the medical inspections indifferently while staring blankly at the ceiling. She just waits for the time to pass and for someone to come and save her. _Santana._

They try to make her eat and drink but Brittany has no appetite and as soon as she has swallowed something she throws it up again. After two days of having barely drunk anything and having eaten nothing at all (well, at least not having kept it down) they put her on a drip-feed so she doesn't starve or die of thirst. Brittany is completely numb. She doesn't feel anything, no pain and no sadness.

They begin with her treatment and inject, every morning and every evening, medicine into her left upper arm with big scary syringes. At first it doesn't change anything, though: She still sees things, even more than usual, and while they sometimes scare her she is mostly thankful for them distracting her from the desolateness that has become her life.

Nobody of her family or friends visit her. Not even Santana. Brittany desperately clings to the thought that they want to but are not allowed to.

After two weeks the effects of the medicine set in. Slowly, the creatures and shapes and things that once seemed so overwhelmingly real to Brittany fade away like small spots of dirt in a heavy rainstorm. The beings of _The Other Side _that have been her constant companions for all these years disappear one after another until they leave nothing but emptiness and crushing loneliness behind.

Another week later Brittany can't stand the silent void around her anymore. When a doctor comes in to check on her she sits up jerkily. She is weak from the sparse nutrition and consists of nothing but skin and bone; her ribs jut out unnaturally. Her voice is hoarse after the long time of keeping quiet, but still she yells at the incoming doctor as loud as she can: "Where are they? What have you done to me? Make them come back, I can't bear this!"

The female doctor smiles widely at her, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Oh, who would have thought, you can speak after all!"

Brittany gapes at her, dumbfounded. Then she frowns. "I don't understand...", she says miserably. "The pucks and fairies and unicorns, they are all gone..."

"I know this is confusing, sweetie.", the woman says compassionately. She is middle-aged and has long brown hair. "But you are on antipsychotics and they suppress the hallucinations."

"Hallucinations?", Brittany asks, distressed. "I don't have hallucinations! They are _real! _They are my friends and my refuge!"

The woman approaches her carefully but Brittany flinches away. "Your name is Brittany, right? Listen to me, Brittany. My name is Dr. Caroline Kingsley. I really want to help you but in order for me to do that you have to allow me to!"

"No, no, you don't help me at all.", Brittany contradicts vigorously. "You took them away from me!"

"Brittany, you may think you need them, but you don't!", the woman, Dr. Kingsley, tries to convince her calmly. "Look at all the other people in this world; they don't have these visions either and nonetheless they live happy lives."

Brittany has to admit that her reasoning sounds logical. Still, it can't take away the pain in her chest, telling her that she is not complete without them. "But I miss them! Everything is so dull and empty without them..."

Dr. Kingsley slowly reaches out to Brittany and the blonde reluctantly allows the doctor to grab her hand and squeeze it. "You have a family and friends who love you. Your life is not dull and empty. You are not alone."

Tears spring to Brittany's eyes. "But why don't they visit me then?"

Dr. Kingsley smiles. "Because they are not allowed to. This is a closed institution, visitors are only allowed to special occasions. But your parents call every few days to ask after you, and I know exactly that this Santana you always mumble about under your breath would love to see you. She has called non-stop for the last few weeks and even showed up at the hospital a few times. She is incredibly insistent! Unfortunately, we are not allowed to give her information about you as she is not a family member, but it became obvious that she cares a lot about you."

At the mention of Santana's name Brittany's eyes automatically light up.

Dr. Kingsley laughs quietly. "It seems to me that we have found your crutch on the way of healing. I have noticed that every patient here has something like that, someone or something that keeps them going even in the darkest of hours."

Brittany smiles genuinely at the doctor's words. "Yeah, that's Santana for me.", she breathes out.

* * *

The next few weeks Brittany slowly recovers. She can eat and drink on her own again and is taken off the drip-feed. The better she eats the more weight she gains and the stronger she becomes. She takes her medicine regularly and although it is still terribly unfamiliar for her not to constantly have her magical fellows around, she notices that the medicine also has positive impacts. Her thoughts aren't so confused and hazy anymore, her head is clearer and things like memorizing her timetable suddenly is a simple task. For the first time in her life she can trust her own skills instead of having to rely on others. She has therapy sessions and does exercises for school so that she doesn't stay behind. Life goes on.

Eventually, Dr. Kingsley announces: "Brittany, I'm proud of you. You have made incredible progress in the last few weeks. Now it's time to get back to your normal life and get used to everyday life in your new condition."

Fear fills Brittany at the thought of being confronted with her parents, she lost all trust in them. But Dr. Kingsley promises that she doesn't have to live with them anymore. She found a place in an institution for assisted living for Brittany. And when she has finished school, Brittany imagines, Santana and her can move to New York or Boston or wherever they want to. Oh, Santana. Brittany looks forward to seeing her little sister again, and Quinn and the other Glee Kids. Most of all, however, Santana.

Brittany looks up as someone knocks on the door of her room and Dr. Kingsley comes in after having left for a few minutes. "As a reward for your hard work", Dr. Kingsley tells her smilingly, "I have a surprise for you."

The door to Brittany's room opens wider and someone enters cautiously. "Santana!", Brittany squeals, overwhelmed with happiness, as she recognizes the black-haired beauty in front of her. Without hesitating she jumps into Santana's arms and hugs her exuberantly. She closes her eyes and relaxes into Santana's hold the way she has already done a thousand times. Nothing in her life has ever felt so right as this infinitely relieving moment of being reunited with her soulmate after having been apart for much too long. Santana and her belong together like two halves of a whole, forever. In Santana's arms she feels home.

Santana clutches Brittany tightly. "Hey Britt, I've heard you are better.", she murmurs softly.

"I'm so incredibly glad to see you, San.", Brittany tells her fervently, their bodies adamantly pressed together. "Yes, I'm much better. How have you been doing without me?"

"Honestly?", Santana asks and contorts her face somberly, separating the two of them just enough so that they can look into each other's eyes. "It was _terrible _without you. I swear, Kurt has never worn so gaudy and ugly clothes when you were still there. And you won't believe it, but Rachel's ramblings have become even more boring and her voice even more piercing.", Santana recounts mockingly. Then her voice becomes serious and urgent. "Britt, you can never ever leave me again, do you hear me?"

Brittany smiles brightly. "I don't plan on it."

They walk down the corridors of the institution while continuing to talk. Brittany tells Santana everything that has happened with her. Finally, she says doubtfully: "I've had these hallucinations as long as I can remember. I've never known a world without them, they were an essential part of me. For everyone I have always been the dumb blonde who says funny things but mostly lives in her own world. Who am I when I don't have that anymore?"

Santana looks at her, her eyes full of confidence, and states simply: "You are the girl I love."

Brittany returns Santana's look intensively. Eventually, she nods. "Okay." And then she laughs, for the first time in weeks, lustily, light-heartedly. Santana smiles beatifically at the sound, and hand in hand the two girls walk out of the mental hospital.

Outside, in the open street, Santana halts. She grasps Brittany's face in her hands and kisses the blonde passionately, love radiating from her in powerful waves. When Santana's soft, warm lips touch hers Brittany feels fire stream through her veins. But it's not a scorching fire, it's an invigorating one. Brittany's arms wind around the Latina's waist and the two melt into each other as if never wanting to part again.

* * *

_Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. James Arthur Baldwin_

* * *

**Hey guys, thank you for reading! Initially, this was supposed to be the last chapter. But please let me know if you are interested in a continuation!**


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